My Mom's New Phone

My mom got a new iPhone. She's so proud of it. She decided to use it today to have the following conversation with me:

Mom just called to tell me about a study she just heard on the radio that was conducted in England. According to the study, it takes 30-50 dates (not with the same man), 3 one night stands, and 3 failed serious relationships before we meet the man of our dreams. She said the most common reasons for failed relationships were lack of humor (check!) and poor hygiene (check! check!) I told her I think I've done all that, minus the one night stands. Certainly been out with men who didn't find my jokes funny and definitely men who needed to find some soap.

She then reminded me that it's spring, so I needed to fluff my hair and keep makeup on, thereby increasing my chances.

Thanks, Mom.

Jr. High, Revisited

Why is it I sometimes still feel like the gawky 7th grader I once was? Case in point:

End of successful 2nd date. I have an extra ticket to a Blazers game this Saturday and have goal of asking date to join me. I am positive he'll say yes. All I have to do is ask. Easy Cheesy.

Now imagine those wavy squiggle lines going down the screen like they do when the heroein (don't know if I spelled that correctly -- I meant the female hero, not the druggie) has a flashback. I'm totally back in Jr. High. Braces. Thick, dark-rimmed glasses. Bad hair. Total lack of confidence. Back to present time: I'm sure I did the hair-tuck thing like 50 times and I vaguely recall turning my foot inward in some awkward pose. Argh! :) I'm hoping my inner nerd came across as cute and endearing as thankfully he said yes. Maybe it was just a pitty yes to put me out of my misery! :-D

The Antichrist

So my little bro got engaged over the weekend . . . this is great news and about damn time he made an honest woman out of his girlfriend! :) I asked my nephew what he thought of all this and he told me how happy he was to have another aunt. Wait a minute! Another aunt?! He technically has two aunts right now, but since the other one lives in Russia, I don't consider her a huge threat. But another aunt who lives in Portland?! What's the Best Aunt in the World supposed to do?!!!

OK, OK, I suppose the boys have enough love to share and two local aunts can love even more than just one . . . but just in case, I'll have to do a few extra things to remain Aunt #1. :)

Vacuuming

I've been back from San Diego for a week now, but realized I didn't write about my adventures!

Sunday was great -- I had the day to myself, so walked down to the bay, hopped on a ferry to Coronado, walked across the island, and SAT IN THE SUN! I think I had a smile on my face the whole day.

The conference was held for military urologists. I was there to recruit some of them after their military obligations were over. Basically, it was a bunch of men in their military uniforms (hubba hubba!) and penis products. Receipe for trouble, you may wonder? ;)

The busiest booth was the one showcasing the penis vacuum pump. As they were right across from me, I went to visit them a few times and got to learn all about how the pump works and learned way more about the penis than I ever thought possible! Their giveaways were the best -- I really wanted one of their penis bobble heads, but couldn't bring myself to ask for one of their most expensive freebies. I settled for their penis calendar.

Did I successfully recruit anyone? Don't know. Have to wait until 2016 to find out as that's when many of them will be available!

On the Road Again

I'm back at PDX! Why does flying always give me a headache? It's not that I struggle with the whole process or that I've had a bad experience . . . but I get a headache every time no matter how easy the day goes.

I'm heading down to San Diego! I'm hopeful for some sunshine. Other than having to set up my booth (which will only take a few minutes), today will be my "free day". I'm thinking of heading down to La Jolla and enjoying the beach and some shopping. It looks like my flight this morning is going to continue on to Cabo . . . oh so tempting to just stay on the flight all the way down there!

That's the extent of my update! Life is good, and I'm happy!

2008 Will Be Great!

That's my theory at least!

I talked to a candidate today and at the end of the conversation, he asked if I would send a summary of the opportunity to his e-mail address. I proceeded to try to read his e-mail address back to him and totally botched his name (it was foreign). I chuckled a little at myself out of nervousness because I knew I was totally screwing it up. He yelled at me, "You're a snotty little bitch!" I'm like, "Huh? Me?" He repeated, "You're a snotty little bitch! You are making fun of my name!" I quickly appologized and tried to explain that in no way did I mean for my little laugh to come across that way, but he said for the third time, "You're a snotty little bitch!" This attitude doesn't fit into my "2008 is Great" profile, so I told him I was going to end our conversation and hung up on him. Buh-Bye. I do feel bad that I offended him and for that I apologize, but I had no intent and got tired of him calling me a snotty little bitch. Snotty? Yes, I did have a cold a few days ago. Little? Uh, no, other than my fingers might be described as skinny. Bitch? I can think of a few guys I've dated who might feel that way . . . :-D

Finally Fashionable

I was in Macy's yesterday and what did I see for sale?? A fake butt! It was like a padded bra for your heiny. Why in the world would women want to make their buttocks look larger???? But then I turned it around and realized how much money I was saving by already having my own built-in padding . . .

Happy 2008 everyone! I hope the year treats you well!

Now Here's the Real Kicker . . .

Dear State of Oregon,

How is it you have that much money left over, yet always manage to ask me for more? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to get my kicker check, but you gave me and all my friends a lot of money. Not just a little chump change, but a significant amount. I can't help but wonder if you took too much in the first place? No new taxes for you, State of Oregon, no new taxes.

Sincerely,

Able Cable

In the Land of Singleton

Yes, I continue to live in the land of Singleton. Here are some of the daily comments you get while visiting this land:

From friend at the gym: So are you seeing anyone?
From the Executive Admin at work: Will you be bringing anyone to the holiday party?
From Mom: Did you meet anyone interesting on the plane ride yesterday?
From Grandma: Have you met anyone nice at work?
From my older brother: You're not getting any younger . . .
From my friend after telling her a story: Well, was the man cute?
From another friend: You are too picky. Try harder.

The comments from Mom and Grandma might sound general enough, but trust me, they both meant, "Have you met any men?"

It's constant. I get comments just like these every single day (pun intended). I do just fine living in Singleton as there are many perks, yet the comments are a drag. A co-worker told me the other day that I'm an inspiration to singles. Is that a good thing? Does that mean I've perfected singlehood to the point that it's all I'm ever going to be good at? I stay very busy and have a full life, and I think that's the point she was trying to make, but I'd rather strive to be an inspiration to all, not a select group. Single or otherwise, go out and live life! And while you're busy living, please be conscious that the daily comments made to those of us in Singleton aren't always appreciated.

Celebrating T Day

What's this? Christmas music already playing on the radio? I'm never quite ready . . .

I hope you all had a nice Turkey Day! I did. I ate. I slept. I ate some more. I slept some more. Goes without saying that this week I'll be eating nothing but fruits and veggies and working out daily! I refuse to be one of those stats that says the average American gains 5-7 pounds over the holidays. Yikes!

After having four wonderful days off, it kinda sucks to have to come back to work . . .

I Would Have at Least Shaved my Armpits

I had my usual Masters Swim training yesterday morning. As usual, I went to my designated slow lane, anticipating seeing some of the other women who usually swim with me. However, none of them showed up, meaning the other lanes were over crowded. The coach decided to have some fun with me, so moved three of the HOTTEST men over into my lane. So three HOT boys . . . and me, in my swimsuit with an ugly swim cap on. In other words, I was NOT HOT. :) Even with all my charms, there was no way it was going to overpower the swim cap / swimsuit combo! :)

You can bet they were nice to watch swim! I warned them that I was slow, but they were cool. In general, they lapped me left and right and then left again. However, there was one point where we were using the kickboards. The guys were kicking like crazy and it was like I was in a jacuzzi with all the bubbles and waves they were creating! But here's the kicker (excuse the play on words!) -- I had to kick at half my normal speed as to not run into them! I'd never seen people try to hard to move forward, yet despite all the activity, move so slowly. I secretly smiled!

The Opera

Is it wrong that I just had to look up how to spell "opera"? I kept spelling "Oprah". Anyway . . .

I went to my first opera last night -- Cinderella! It was sung in Italian, but thankfully they had subtitles for me to follow. It was wonderful, and I truly enjoyed it, yet found it humorous as well.

They would flash one phrase up on the screen in English, while the actors would sing about that phrase forever and a day. Let me give you an example, translated for your reading pleasure. Picture the English phrase "She had a pretty face" . . . here's how they expressed it:

Ah, what a pretty face!
What a pretty face!
What a pretty face!
Pretty, pretty, pretty face!
Ah, what a pretty face!
Face, pretty, face, pretty, face, pretty, face!
Ah, what a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty face!
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, face, face, face, face!
Ah, what a pretty face!

Then the chorus would chime in and everyone would sing about the pretty face.
Face!
Pretty!
Face!
Pretty!
Pretty face, pretty face, pretty face, ahhhhhhh, pretty face!

You get the idea . . .

Teacher for a Day

I contacted Oregon Mentors a few months ago and expressed an interest in helping lead a resume writing / interviewing workshop. They connected me with Madison High School. I went there yesterday afternoon to teach my first class!

I was a little worried about being back in high school again. What would I wear? Would the kids make fun of me? Would I be "cool" enough? All those worries and insecurities that I used to have back when I was their age. I'm happy to say that I was proud and confident and other than some silly boys making cat calls to me as I was leaving, felt pretty good about the day.

Just in case the kids got out of control, I practiced my snap-point. This is something a teacher friend of mine uses to get her students' attention. Let me tell you, she used it on me once and had my attention right away! Thankfully I didn't have to use it on any of the kids, but sure wanted to use it on some of the teachers I met that day. They were highly disorganized and just plain rude. Despite that, I found what I already knew to be true -- I really enjoy leading classes and discussions.

I am passionate about helping our younger generations get started in their career search and believe strongly that there is a huge need for it.

Thai Food

So I've been reading quite a few books about dieting. Not diet books, but books about how our body processes foods. Basic premise is that we don't need to count calories, we don't need to chose non-fat things, we don't need to stress about every single little calorie. We just need to consume non-processed, whole foods that we prepare ourselves, with the base being fruits and vegetables, along with some lean meats and dairy. I've been getting back into cooking lately and love it. And I haven't counted a single calorie, nor gained a single pound. Lovely! It's still weird to consume full-fat milk items . . . I'm a product of the low- and non-fat 80s and it's amazing how much my brain was trained by that.


I've been making lots of soups and various vegetable concoctions. But the other night, I decided I wanted some thai takout. OMG, it was like giving cocaine to an addict! So yummy! :) OK, back to the soups . . .

Did I mention I got a Tivo? It's the best thing ever. I love seeing what shows it thinks I'll like. It recorded E! True Hollywood story for me the other day. Umm, I didn't even know I got that channel! Danger! How did Tivo know I would be sucked in?! I also love being able to see my pals, Oprah and Ellen, every day. I told someone how much I love Ellen and he was all surprised. I might be conservative and all, but liberal/straight/homo/hetero, that gal is damn funny!

Pole Position

I wonder if Emily Post has written anything about Blogger etiquette? I went to LiveWire on Saturday with a couple of friends, one of whom I know, the other I sort of know . . . but only because I read her blog. I'd never met her, so what's the etiquette here? I already know where she works and random little life events because I read her blog. But she doesn't know this. Do I pretend I don't know? Tell her I do know?

I think I know who has access to this blog and reads it, but I also know that it's public domain and I try to not forget that! It is weird when friends come up to me and make a comment about something going on in my life, even though I've never directly told them. They've read it in my blog! :)

I was driving back home from The Farm a few days ago and it was dark out. I-5 had just been repaved and they put shiny new reflectors on the road. It felt like I was driving in the Atari game, Pole Position. Only the road was straight, so it was like a really boring game. :) (edit: It occured to me at midnight last night that I might actually be thinking about the wrong game. Night Rider, maybe? I don't know, people, it's been 25 years since I last played it. But it's the one where the car was at the bottom of the screen and the road moved around it. Argh, the things that keep me up at night!) :)

This one's for you, Cush!

I love step aerobics, especially if the instructor plays good dance music. Last night I imagined I was on "So you think you can Dance?!" while stepping away. Yes, I am goofy. No, I can't dance. But the name of the show isn't "So you can Dance!", it's "So you _think_ you can Dance?!" And that's all that matters. I think, therefore I can. ;)

I have also been waking up at the butt crack '0 dawn for my Masters Swim class. I mostly love it. There's always that inner groan (sometimes outward as well) when the alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m., but once I'm up and in the water, I'm happy. It used to be that swimming 100 yards was a challenge. Now, it's a piece of cake! Mmmmm . . . now I'm thinking about cake . . . .

More Funny Physician Names

I started keeping a little list of funny doctor names:

Dr. Skylizard
Dr. Aswad
Dr. Precious Jewel
Dr. Buttram
Dr. Criss Cross (will make you jump! jump!)

Yes, my humor is sophomoric, but you love it!

Next?

So now that my tri is over, I have been thinking about what I'm going to do next to change up my workout routine. I've been thinking for quite some time about joining a Masters Swim program my gym offers. My hangup -- they meet at 5:30 a.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays, plus 8:00 a.m. on Sundays. Yikes! I also thought I'd suppliment the other days by doing pilates in the morning, thereby leaving all my evenings free to pursue other things. This change was going to be effective starting this morning.

My alarm went off this morning. Time for pilates! Yeah, not so much. I turned it off and fell back asleep. Hmmmmm . . . might have to rethink this plan . . .

No, actually I'd like to seriously give the swimming program a try. I think if I did lap swimming for an hour and a half, three times a week, I'd be in pretty good shape. It just would have been smarter to start this during the summer months when the rising sun helped wake me up.

I did it! I did it! I did it!

If you haven't already figured it out, I did it!!! I have successfully completed my first triathlon!

I was wide awake by 1:30 a.m. this morning. It was the kind of awake where I just knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. I was one if the first to arrive at the park at 5:15 a.m. I wasn't alone -- there were a few others who couldn't sleep either! I got all set up and chatted with some of the other women. Many of us were there for the first time, so I quickly realized I wasn't alone in my apprehension.

The Sprint waves went first, followed by my SuperSprint waves. The water was cold, but not bad -- 70 degrees. I did a mix of strokes and managed to keep calm, but can now really see why some people freak out during this part of the race. With all those bodies in the water, it's easy to get hit and it can be challenging to see very far in front of you. I made it to the exit spot and ran the 0.10 mile up to the transition area. It was a little weird running in my bathing suit . . .

At the transition point, I did my best to dry off, but it was hard to put my pants on because I was a little wobbly on my feet. I even had to sit down to put on my shoes and socks. My friends were there, cheering me on the whole time! Then I was off for the bike ride portion.

I was feeling pretty good about the bike ride. However, at about the halfway point, I made a poor gear change and my chain popped off! I had never had this happen before and had no idea how to fix it. I took a look and tried to move it, but couldn't get it to budge. A couple ladies stopped and tried to help, but no one could get it. I ran with the bike to the next point where there were helpers and they called a policeman over. He said he'd fixed 15 chains today, but mine was the worst. I told him that I like to do things right! He finally managed to fix it for me, which was great, although this all took 10-15 minutes and many people were passing me. If he hadn't fixed it, I would have been disqualified. That would have upset me GREATLY and it was at this point I realized just how badly I wanted to finish this race. I hopped back on and made my way back to the transition area.

I dropped off my bike and took off for the run. As I reached the start of the trail, my whole back siezed up. I did my best to stretch it out and grabbed some Gatorade and one (or both) of those things worked because I was soon back in action. The run was hilly, but I managed.

Crossing the finish line was the best! Not only were my friends there to cheer me on, but many others were as well. I felt wonderful afterwards! I love endorphans!

After a nice lunch, I drove back home and took a much-needed shower. I smelled of sweat and lake!

This was a great day! I almost had an "ugly cry" (as Oprah calls it) when I was about a 1/4 mile away from the finish line. I started thinking about why I really decided to do this race in the first place -- to celebrate my return to health. How wonderful that I feel back to normal and strong enough to complete a race like this. However, the sobbing was throwing my breathing pace off, so I had to shake that off and keep my eye on the finish line. I did it!!!

Officially Body Marked

I drove up to Federal Way, WA, this morning to go to the pre-event event. I was totally overwhelmed, almost to the point of tears. They give you all your supplies, mark your actual skin (in very permanent ink!) with tons of numbers so they know who you are, and provide a pre-race talk. I'm alone on this race, which is a big part of why I felt so overwhelmed today. I have to remember quite a few things and have tons of different types of gear ready and working. Yes, I'm alone. My friend backed out a few days ago. I, however, did not. I'm doing this thing. A really nice lady who sat next to me during the course talk really calmed me down. She's done the race a few times, so gave me some great tips. On of those included walking part of the course and driving the bike course today so I would know what to expect tomorrow. I know I can do the physical part (well, except for the hills); it's the mental part that will be the real killer.

Afterwards, me and my arm marking went to the mall for some shopping and a movie. When I say my arms are marked, I mean they are really marked! All I have with me are short sleeved shirts, so got tons of comments. I feel like I am in a gang or something!

A couple of friends will greet me at the finish line and for that I am eternally grateful. There are supposed to be about 1,000 women there tomorrow. I'm in the 13th wave and jump in the cold water around 8:15 a.m. I think I have all my gear, I'm as ready as I'll ever be, so off I go. . . .